It seems serendipitous to be paying any sort of attention to my Tumblr. But I love it, because it’s the only place on the internet where no one knows me.
I don’t know what I want to say, and yet there’s so much on my mind. I feel so very invisible, lately. I strive for it. Make contact with so few people, so as to attain this sort of anonymity within my own life.
I’m afraid I’ve come to a road too dark and mysterious to travel down. Meaning that I fear mystery. The possibilities of unknown terrain.
It feels like everything I think will happen, and everything I want to happen just changes and twists. And it kills me, because I want control over it. Because I want someone to tell me that I can truly change something. That something will go according to plan.
Was I always like this? Did I always crave a cheat sheet to life? Was I always worried about simply living? Did I always fear failure so strongly?
I don’t remember anymore.
Right now, I just want to be put in a place where good things are guaranteed to happen. I can’t be sure that I’m able to put myself there anymore. So someone, please lend me a hand.
I’m so tired. Physically, emotionally and spiritually. Nothing makes sense. I’m delirious. I want a change, but I’m not brave enough to make it. I don’t even know what I want. I just want it to be huge.